Love holds and fear judges. The good news is that you choose whether you want to live in love or in fear.
When we judge, slander, or criticize, we leave our essence. We lose our energy because what we do, does not match who we really are. I have often experienced almost having a hangover after slandering or talking bad about someone. Even in recent years, I have had relationships that were built on belittling and slandering others.
Despite the fact that I knew better, I still followed the crowd and did it, and sometimes I still do, if I am not awake. Over the years, I have become more and more aware of the mechanism, and I am aware that my great desire for acceptance, recognition, and, ultimately, love from others and myself, is exactly what drives me to fall back. The great desire can, like everything else, become too much a desire to wanting and not to want to give. And then, unfortunately, the ego is at stake.
Some years ago I met an old friend I had not seen for many years. When we started talking, it dawned on me that the only thing we had to talk about was other people. When I left the place, I had an inner feeling of having been unfaithful or very dishonest. I had been unfaithful, unfaithful to myself. I had gone straight into the verdict and slander to be able to score some cheap points from an old “friend” with whom I did not even have anything in common. In the days that followed, I became discouraged and thought about how much of my life I had been busy talking about others that had no importance whatsoever. I did not know how to change it. But I knew I had to change it.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap with people to judge others, because it gives a kick and a sense of togetherness and acceptance the moment it happens. Us against them. A bit like being drunk, it’s fun in the moment, but not so much fun the next day.
None of us are holy, and neither am I. We are human beings, and human beings make mistakes. The first step towards greater sincerity both towards you and towards others is to observe our own behavior, to see what we do and what it is driven by. When we can see it, there is actually not that long way home. In the beginning, until it is incorporated as a habit, it is like saying no to sugar because it is not good for the body. Many of us are afraid to embarrass other people if we do not agree with their talk and that can be really difficult. I have found that the best thing to do is just to change topic or remove the focus from it.
We are all connected and come from the same source, life force or energy. That, some people call God. This means that every time we judge another, we also judge ourselves. When this first dawned on me and I discovered that I had actually not done anything else but to judge myself and other people, I became discouraged and resigned. My whole world was one big judgment. I did not know how to communicate with others, or with myself for that matter, without judging, slandering and criticizing.
The ego is the idea that we are each alone and not connected, that it is everyone’s battle against everyone. The ego lives in fear and out of fear, and fear judges while love forgives and holds. To understand it, I imagine two circles, one is fear and the other is love.
I choose for myself in which circle I want to live my life, and the only thing it takes to live in love is to step out of fear and enter that circle with love.
It sounds annoyingly easy, and it actually is. In the circle where love lives, it is not possible to take the judgment with you, or to refuse to forgive, so before you can get in there, you must leave both outside the circle. Just let go of it.
What does it serve you? Does it make you happy? What do you get out of holding yourself and others hostage in judgments, slander, or unforgiveness? Does it give you peace and quiet in your mind and in your life? Surrender and trust that everything you need to live a life of joy exists, when you let go and enter the circle with love. You will quickly discover how much energy you have spent on holding other people accountable, or on judging them and not least yourself. Loss of energy that has drained you and made your physical body heavy, tired and maybe sick.
My ego will always try to find faults about others and about myself, and it is very easy to get sucked into the illusion that what the ego is doing is right and fair. Here it helps me the most to remind myself that only my ego can recognize the egos of others. So when I am busy pointing out the ego in others, I know that I have left my love circle and have jumped into the trap, directly into the arms of my own ego by having gone back to my fear circle.
I have found that when I need to judge others, it is actually a cry for love that comes from myself. Those I judge show me so clearly where in myself I am not whole, they activate my own themes/triggers, so when I discover that I judge others, I look inwards. It’s a gift, because that or the person I judge bends my themes and workspaces in neon, so I know where to work on, and where I still have something to work with. And where it is best for me to look inward and not outward.
Looking inward does not mean getting depressed or closed; it means trying to look at some of the themes that the judge in you has brought to light. Look at them, see how they can be turned into something that strengthens you, nourishes you and thus others. How negative judgments can be turned into positive affirmations.
Looking inward also doesn’t mean digging into old, hurt feelings or to confirm that you pity yourself. Instead, say goodbye to that which does not serve the light in you, or the light in others. It serves both you and the world best.